It's World Mental Health day and as such it's time to draw attention to mental health issues that are faced by so many. It's time to talk about what you've faced or are facing in the hope that you can reach out and help someone or be helped.
I don't know when I first really suffered from depression, I know that I've had phases of my life that were worse than others. I know that family and friends couldn't help me see past it because I didn't want to talk about it. I know that in the past I've been prescribed pills that were supposed to make life easier but instead caused my mind to be even more blurred and made me bury myself in my own head.
I know that whilst taking these pills I got in my car put 2 year old princess in the back seat and drove straight out into oncoming traffic. I literally couldn't see past the fog in my head. My partner asked me if I did it on purpose. I didn't. I don't blame him for asking, I didn't want my life back then. I would dream up ways of not seeing another morning, thankfully fear stepped in and my love for my daughter became something I would remind myself of constantly to keep me from stepping that final step into darkness.
These days though it lingers I feel stronger, my silence now replaced with the clicking of keys. The words once trapped in my head don't stay there, although they sometimes remain unpublished. Depression is not a word I'm afraid to use anymore. I've blogged about it here before and if I need to I will again because I know it's ok to talk about it, it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to say I can't cope, I need you, I'm broken, I want out. In saying it out loud you may just find what/who you need. It sucks but you don't have to stay silent and face it alone.