Sunday, 19 May 2013

Falling on Deaf Ears

Most of you who know me, either through my blog or in real life, know that I try to stay positive even when in the most difficult of positions.  I try to stay patient even when people or situations are grating on my nerves.  I try to be there to support those around me that need it.  However the last week or so has been extremely taxing on my emotional state of mind.

I feel as though the things I am saying are falling on deaf ears.  The words from my mouth are being changed to meet how another person thinks and relayed back as my words... That probably sounds very confusing so I apologise. 

I started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts but I do sometimes hold back because I don't like upsetting people and I've realised that this is something I do a lot.  If I know a person is sensitive or resilient to my opinion, I hold back.  If I know that everything I say seems to touch a nerve, I hold back.  And sometimes I'm holding back so much that I just stop talking.

My mother taught me through the way she raised me that my brothers and I were ALWAYS a priority.  My mum was always there when I was growing up.  She worked when we were at school but was home when we were at home, she made time for her friends but that time included her children, or she would have friends over when we were asleep.  She didn't make us slot in around her life, she made her life slot in around us.  Now that we are adults she does her thing, and has her time.  If I was to choose someone to model my life against it wouldn't be Sir Richard Branson with all his billions, or the 'brand' that is Oprah Winfrey, it would be my mother.  A kind, generous loving example of a woman who would give up her last pennies to make sure her children have everything they needed.  It's not that I don't want to make money, believe me I do, but that desire comes after the desire to give my children the love and time that they need.

Nursery will soon come and give me a break but for now my work will have to fit around my children.  Understand it or not, that's the way it is.

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