Friday, 8 February 2019

Something Wonderful

Something wonderful has happened, and when something wonderful happens it's only right to shout it out and let the world know.
What is this wonderful thing you might ask?
And I'd be embarrassed to tell you that the wonderful thing is SLEEP.  I know that might not be so wonderful to everybody, but for someone like me, who's suffered with an anxiety related sleep disorder which started in childhood, this is a very huge deal.

I don't want to get all righteous or religious but the fact that I have a renewed faith in God might have something to do with it.  

The other night, as I set my bible aside and lay down to sleep, I questioned myself.  What's happened?  Why am I so relaxed?  I haven't felt anxious about sleep in a long time.  Even my self questioning didn't bring on the anxiety I thought it would and I drifted gently off to sleep.  

The bible itself says, 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to god.  And the peace of god, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

So I am feeling very thankful today.  I believe in answered prayers, even if sometimes I have to wait a little longer than I'd like for the answer.

Wednesday, 6 February 2019

The story in a 4 letter word

Crumpled on the floor in a heap the phone rings and down the line a friend would ask how are you?
You answer firmly. Fine.
Are you sure they'd say, I'm fine, I'm sure,
and how are you my friend?
They'd relay a list of woes and your unselfish heart would
to their aid.
It doesn't matter that you're carrying the burdens of loss,
even when surrounded by a sea of faces because, you told them in no uncertain words, heart wrapped in bubble wrap, devoid of air, I'm fine.
And when they saw your face, despite their woes they say, "you don't look right."
You promise with your weakest smile and tired eyes, I assure you friend I'm here for you, I'm fine, really, I'm fine.
You walk the corridors at work with the don't approach me smile, telling everyone you're happy in your own little world.  You have friends outside of their circle and with that, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Collect the little ones,
I'm fine
Cook dinner for the family,
I'm fine
Serve dinner, clean up, eat
I'm fine, yes , I'm fine, I said I'm fine
Finish the unfinished workload and reload the washer as there's always more
C r a w l into bed and battle your anxieties
I can't sleep but it's fine, I'm fine.
Crumpled under covers in a heap, the phone rings and down the line a friend would ask, how are you?

Thursday, 24 January 2019

Writing Again

Hello old friend, I've missed you.
I'm sorry I've not written much.
This however has always been my truth, my hidden truth, the secret that I reveal to many yet keep to myself. A juxtaposition I know.
My writing processes echo very much what goes on in my mind.  
Sometimes I'm in the moment, loving life, happy, full of ideas that need to find release.
Other times, times I'm often afraid to mention,
I'm withdrawn.
Deep in thought, considering the possibility of disappearing from existence under a bubble of cloud and smoke.
Now I've been wanting to write, my mental pen has been scratching ideas, looping along the neurons of my mind.  I've been told I should write, I've been forced to write for CPD and so, today, I've made the decision to just write.
So hello old friend,
I'm pleased to once again meet your acquaintance.
I have no promises to offer you.
No extraordinary gestures.
Just me.
Saying hello.