The Strength of Friendship

The last couple of days have been good for my mental health.  Despite feeling really low recently, I kept pushing through and reached out to a couple of good friends who turned out help me more than I could have imagined.  They say laughter is the best medicine and I laughed so much last night that the strength which had threatened to disappear forever has slowly started to resurface.  

My friends decided to treat me to a meal at one of my favourite restaurants and (under the influence of only one alcoholic beverage) I was able to talk about everything without crying.  My friends, one of whom I don't see nearly as much as I'd like sat with me and listened without judgement.  They shared with me their own stories and advised me from the heart.  Although some of the advice was hard to hear I was more than willing to listen.  

We spoke about all the taboo subjects, religion, sex, death, and mental health, all the things that are usually kept away from the dinner table and at the end of the conversation we sang, we laughed, we sang some more then we prayed.

I'm still not where I want to be, I still have unanswered questions and emotional scaring but I'm on the way and I know that if I ask for help, help will come find me at my place of need.

Lost

As much as I've wanted to blog I have found it increasingly difficult to write recently, mainly because I've felt like I can't tell my story without sharing someone else's.  Unless you live a completely solitary life on an island surrounded by trees every aspect of our lives have at least a hint of someone else's story.

The journey I've taken so far in my life has been a challenging one, one in which I have at times chosen paths that not only brought with them greater obstacles but at times have been littered with pain and heartache.  This however is a reminder to me of how resilient I am.  It is often in times of great weakness, hurt or challenge that you are reminded of your true strength.

But what happen's when that strength is no longer enough?
For me the journey goes one of two ways.  

I continue to pretend that everything is ok, continue to be the best mother I can to my beautiful children, continue to be the best teacher I can to my pupils and continue to be the best friend I can to those who still value my friendship, until eventually everything really is ok or...

an alternative which I never hope becomes a reality, I can pretend until pretending becomes too difficult and I lose my passion for everything and everyone I love, I lose the strong women that is buried somewhere deep within and eventually I completely lose who I am. 

All I want is for a happiness that lasts for more than just a moment.  People say you make your own happiness and trust me I try, I'm usually the first person to try and turn a negative into a positive and live my best life.  I guess this is my way of saying that I'm tired, that my strength is waning and I can no longer be positive on my own.