A dog called depression is biting my heals. Feeling tired and teary for no apparent reason seems to be a regular occurrence recently. This is often followed by playing music, dancing, blogging or hiding out in bed just to feel a little sense of normality or comfort. Today I was tired, really tired and noticeably so. The first thing my sister said on seeing me was wow you look tired and she NEVER says that so it must be bad. I have terrible insomnia, I could blame Little Man for being a bad sleeper but even long after he is asleep I'm still up, reading, staring at my ceiling, playing candy crush or thinking about anything and everything under the sun that I need to do between now and the end of life!
No doubt over the next couple of days I will forget feeling down and put all my energy into some project or another. The children will jump on my back (the teen still tries to do this despite only being a couple of inches smaller than me) and they will remind me of a beautiful purpose I have. Being there mum is tough and I often wish I could press the pause button on motherhood, live a little then jump back in. But in all reality as quickly as I pressed pause I would start to miss them and want to be back being mum again.
Tonight I must try to go to sleep early, I want to feel human again.