The 9th of June however was a day of mixed emotions for me, the anniversary of my forever baby's birth. It has been 15 long years since Reanne was born and every year without fail this day and those approaching it have filled me with anxiety and sadness. I hide it well behind smiles, hugs and the need to make sure my children don't feel an ounce of my sadness. Yet this year was a little different, it was the first year I did something to commemorate her, an outward display to show her that I was thinking of her.
Some people don't understand how I can still feel so sad about a baby I never saw grow up. They don't understand that life growing inside you, connected to you, changing your body and influencing the way you think and feel is so deep a connection that no matter how short a time you have your baby, the love you feel is immeasurable. I never held a funeral for my baby girl, I was advised not to and my young, nieve and grieving mind, allowed those around me to make the decisions. So this year me, alongside Reanne's brother and sister blew bubbles for my forever baby. It was all the more special because the princess understood why we were doing it and couldn't wait to blow bubbles for her sister. We had a very special moment and it felt nice to have done something for her.
I went out later that day to celebrate a friends birthday at a comedy club, they say laughter is the best medicine and it really did do me the world of good.