The sunshine has finally come out and appears to be staying. I don't know what it is about the approach of summer that makes me feel more joyful but whatever it is I'm embracing that joyful feeling and taking it with me. It's been a busy winter and I know that summer is going to bring many challenges but I'm ready to face them with confidence and determination.
Daniel is now going through the first 'daddy phase', since the teen princess mentioned she was going to see her daddy. Whilst we were sitting in the living room playing he all of a sudden got up and said "bye mummy, going see daddy." My immediate reaction was to laugh, it may have been his way of telling me he was bored and wanted to do something different, but it shocked me a little.
Since then he has taken to calling my brother-in-law daddy which doesn't bother my in-law but makes me cringe slightly. Since my son was born one of my internal struggles has been, what do I tell him when he is old enough to ask about his dad. It took a lot of thinking about and a lot of consulting with friends and family but I finally came to the conclusion that the best thing to tell him is the truth. It's going to upset him no matter what I tell him so at least if I tell him the truth he can trust me to always be upfront with him.
A childhood friend said to me recently, "Men and women both need to learn that if you can't see a person as being a potential parent to your child don't have sex with them, it's as simple as that because no matter what precautions you take, shit happens." I have always agreed with this which is why absent or not I have no regrets but it was strange hearing that opinion from a man. The fact is Siad was not at the time mature enough to deal with the responsibility of more than one child. I don't think it makes him a bad person, just an irresponsible one with a lack of courage to face up to all of his responsibilities, which is exactly what I will tell our son when the time comes.
He may not have all the material things but as far as love goes little man has that in abundance. I could spend a lot of time hating but that would turn me into someone I wouldn't like to be. So I spend my time appreciating all the blessings that I do have and reminding myself that there is no greater power than the power of love.