Friday, 19 October 2012

I am by no means a Gemini but...

At the moment I feel like two different people.  The first is happy and inspired by life, loving motherhood and looking forward to new challenges.  She has a friend who is ready to 'proclaim, protect and provide' (according to Steve Harvey that's how we know when a man loves a woman) and she is working on projects that make her smile.  Love radiates from her spirit and she wants to experience all that life has to offer.

The other person, the pessimist, she is afraid of her own abilities.  She is worried that she can't give her children what they need physically or emotionally.  She runs away from an open door and closes herself in a windowless room.  She doesn't want to be offered love because so often in her life it's followed by pain and although she denies it, even sometimes to herself, she has feelings of hate.

I spent a little time looking through some of the poetry I wrote in university today and thought I would share one a poem.  I suppose this poem reflected the way I felt at a given point of time and I feel it express some of my moments even now.


I'm lonely,
people, many people
pass through me.
I'm left unacknowledged,
They touch me,
push me, pull me;
poking metal objects
into me.
No hint of affection
no love, no living?
It's only wooden breaths I take.
I'm thick,
no whispers through me.
I hear them talk beyond me,
far from me.
I'm ten, or so my numbers say.
You leave me,
then wonder why,
why I fall off my hinges.
Don't open and close me,
hold me.
You want me.
You need me.
Your cold-blocker,
open flap for letter-dropper.
Talk to me.
I'm lonely.

Gailann Houston