Friday, 19 October 2012

I am by no means a Gemini but...

At the moment I feel like two different people.  The first is happy and inspired by life, loving motherhood and looking forward to new challenges.  She has a friend who is ready to 'proclaim, protect and provide' (according to Steve Harvey that's how we know when a man loves a woman) and she is working on projects that make her smile.  Love radiates from her spirit and she wants to experience all that life has to offer.

The other person, the pessimist, she is afraid of her own abilities.  She is worried that she can't give her children what they need physically or emotionally.  She runs away from an open door and closes herself in a windowless room.  She doesn't want to be offered love because so often in her life it's followed by pain and although she denies it, even sometimes to herself, she has feelings of hate.

I spent a little time looking through some of the poetry I wrote in university today and thought I would share one a poem.  I suppose this poem reflected the way I felt at a given point of time and I feel it express some of my moments even now.


I'm lonely,
people, many people
pass through me.
I'm left unacknowledged,
They touch me,
push me, pull me;
poking metal objects
into me.
No hint of affection
no love, no living?
It's only wooden breaths I take.
I'm thick,
no whispers through me.
I hear them talk beyond me,
far from me.
I'm ten, or so my numbers say.
You leave me,
then wonder why,
why I fall off my hinges.
Don't open and close me,
hold me.
You want me.
You need me.
Your cold-blocker,
open flap for letter-dropper.
Talk to me.
I'm lonely.

Gailann Houston


  1. Wow your poem is so full of emotion.

    Life is funny isn't it? We plod along nicely just getting on with things then suddenly we are gripped with feelings of fear, hopelessness, frustration, anger,, emptiness. I used to experience this a lot, but as you already know, my faith and the fact that I have come to realise that God has a powerful love for me and wants only what is best for me, have meant that these negative feelings have all but gone.

    God loves you passionately too. Sorry if I'm coming across as preachy, that is not my intention : ). From what I can see you are doing a fabulous job with your beautiful children. Praying these feeling pass quickly. Hugs xxx

    1. Thank you. Don't worry about coming across preachy, I love the fact that you are passionate about your beliefs and I know God loves me, but we as humans will never understand the mind of God so it's a challenge for me to understand some of the things that are happening in my life. I know it's only a matter of time and I will be fine again xxx

  2. Ahhh well you say that, but we can learn to understand His mind when we begin to understand the purpose He has placed on our lives.

    God used to be such a mystery to me, but the more I read the Bible, pray, watch sermons and the more I reach out to Him, the closer He draws to me and the more of Himself He reveals to me. It may sound odd, but this revelation has changed my life.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm still going through tough situations and struggles, but there is a peace now where as before I was forever complaining, unhappy, frustrated, lost.

    At the end of the day we all have to know God for ourselves if that is what we desire. Once we make the first step of faith towards Him, He does the rest xxx