Thursday, 25 October 2012

My Little Vampire

I'm feeling a great deal better today and the fact that Daniel has gone a week without breast feeding has a lot to do with it.  I've had a cold for what seems like forever and that teamed with a lack of sleep had me in really bad spirits.  Breast feeding is great but when it comes to getting the baby off the breast that's another story.  Though I don't want anymore children, I know that if given the chance to start with Daniel from the beginning, I would do combination feeding so he would at least take a bottle if offered.  That said despite him sucking away my energy I think it does help with the bonding process.

The past week has been somewhat uneventful.  I received the cutest little vampire costume in the post for Daniel to wear to his friends party unfortunately I have double booked so he wont be going.  It's probably a good thing as I don't do the whole Halloween thing but with her being one of Daniel's Godparents and one of my closest friends I intended to pop in.  I decided that Daniel should at least get one wear out of his costume so I put it on him.  It was as though when the cape was fastened he turned into a vampire, he started dramatically running around the house laughing and screaming.  I managed to get a picture before he eventually took off.

Friday, 19 October 2012

I am by no means a Gemini but...

At the moment I feel like two different people.  The first is happy and inspired by life, loving motherhood and looking forward to new challenges.  She has a friend who is ready to 'proclaim, protect and provide' (according to Steve Harvey that's how we know when a man loves a woman) and she is working on projects that make her smile.  Love radiates from her spirit and she wants to experience all that life has to offer.

The other person, the pessimist, she is afraid of her own abilities.  She is worried that she can't give her children what they need physically or emotionally.  She runs away from an open door and closes herself in a windowless room.  She doesn't want to be offered love because so often in her life it's followed by pain and although she denies it, even sometimes to herself, she has feelings of hate.

I spent a little time looking through some of the poetry I wrote in university today and thought I would share one a poem.  I suppose this poem reflected the way I felt at a given point of time and I feel it express some of my moments even now.


I'm lonely,
people, many people
pass through me.
I'm left unacknowledged,
They touch me,
push me, pull me;
poking metal objects
into me.
No hint of affection
no love, no living?
It's only wooden breaths I take.
I'm thick,
no whispers through me.
I hear them talk beyond me,
far from me.
I'm ten, or so my numbers say.
You leave me,
then wonder why,
why I fall off my hinges.
Don't open and close me,
hold me.
You want me.
You need me.
Your cold-blocker,
open flap for letter-dropper.
Talk to me.
I'm lonely.

Gailann Houston

Monday, 15 October 2012

Happy 21st (plus 10!)

Friday was my 31st birthday and rather than go out and party I decided this year would be a year to relax and do grown up stuff.  The actual day started off with the usual pleasantries of calls and messages and a birthday kiss from my princess before she went off to school then it was off to meet mum in town for a bit of shopping and a nice lunch.  In the evening one of my best friends (Chantell) came over with gifts which included a beautiful set of hand decorated candles, she is so creative and it is personal gifts like that which I will be special forever.  We then went for cocktails (just the two of us) which was a lovely end to my evening and a bit of well needed me time.

The real treat was to be the next day when I would get the chance to run away for the day with my other two best friends (Eghele and Genevieve).  Eghele's birthday is the day after mine so we always try to do something together and this year we decided to go to Bath.  I woke up early in the morning got ready and kissed my babies goodbye and left them in the capable hands of my mother.  It was 6.45 when I got to first the station and met up with Gen and we were both so tired that when the train reached our stop we didn't realise until it was ready to leave the station, thank God for Gen's big butt holding the door open, how I love her arse!  We got on the train to Bath with Eghele and didn't even notice the time slip by as we conversed for the whole journey (so much for the book I had packed).

When we arrived we made a quick pit stop then it was off to the Thermae Bath Spa, Eghele had booked me a full body massage and we were given until 6pm to spend in the spa.  It was such a wonderful and relaxing place... apart from the poo on the toilet floor (I will spare you the details!)  The sauna's were heavenly and the view from the roof top pool was amazing.  We left at around two and went for a late lunch before heading round the corner to the Roman Baths, which was also a lovely cultural experience.

We unfortunately missed the Jane Austin museum so we went and got our nails done and at least we have a great excuse to go back.  The last treat was champagne and dinner at which we chatted up the waiter and came away with his phone number.  Then it was back on the train home a couple more glasses of wine for the journey and the end of a wonderful day.  It may not be everyone's cup of tea but for me it was one of the best birthdays ever.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Grrrrrrrr! Mothers!

I really love my mum as some of you may have guessed from my happy birthday post but for the last couple of days she has been doing things to purposely annoy me (at least I think she's doing it on purpose).  I know she wants to go back to Barbados without feeling guilty but she really doesn't have to make me push her out the door.  Some mothers (myself included) have the tendency to 'forget' our children's capabilities, for example, I've made lasagna for my family hundreds of times yet my mum still questions me while I'm making it grrrrrrrr.  Not only that but she makes the point of complaining when she has to do something around the house.  Anyone who knows my mum will know that she's not happy unless she's doing something so it's impossible to get a balance.  If you leave her with nothing to do she complains, if you leave her with something to do she complains.  God give me strength!

On another note my best friend and I have started discussing current events and recording our discussions, the aim is to start a local women's group where women meet to talk about anything and everything.  When we have a video that is not accompanied by a soundtrack of screaming children I will post it for your viewing pleasure.

Friday, 5 October 2012

Sibling Rivalry

Having more than one child is always a challenge, as you plan how you will deal with sibling rivalry and managing your time and resources so that neither feels left out.  You're full of questions like how will I get them to share?  Will I sleep them in the same room or separately?  Which playgroups can you attend with both children?  But for me it was a little different.  There are 11 years between my first and second child.  I had planned to be in a loving and stable relationship before adding to my family, hence the long wait, but God had other plans that didn't involve anything stable.  

Therefore here I am with a pre-teen who has me on tenterhooks waiting for when her hormones will turn her into a raving lunatic (secretly hoping we will skip that stage) and a toddler who is wise beyond his years and extremely demanding.  I did everything possible to include the pre-teen in my pregnancy and planning for his arrival so the first year went by with hardly any problems.

My lovely Prince however is now at the stage where he thinks he owns me and is both vocal and physical in his demonstration of this (pushing his sister and telling her to go away) and the princess despite all my efforts is feeling a little left out... and astonishingly not by me but by him!  A few nights ago just before bed she said "mum Daniel doesn't like me" to which I replied, "don't be silly he loves you"   she then responded by saying "yes I know he loves me but that doesn't mean he likes me, he never wants to come to me anymore, he only uses me when you are not here and he's always pushing me away."  I must admit that though I'm usually pretty quick at responding to my ever so quizzical pre-teen this one took me a little longer to think about but I came up with an explanation of sorts that I think she understood.

I need not have worried too much because as though Daniel had been listening to our conversation and had taken in his sisters words in his sleep the very next day when he heard the door opening on her return from school he ran into her arms shouting 'tee tee' (her name is Tianna).  The smile on her face was priceless,  at least now I think she knows her brother likes her.  We both have our fingers crossed that this stage of pushing her away from mummy ends very quickly and his excitement at playing with her and his toys (you'd think I bought them as extra bits of furniture to sit and look pretty the amount of attention he pays to them) returns.

It would be interesting to know some of the sibling issues others have had and how you have gone about solving them...

Monday, 1 October 2012

Don't Skype Me!

I have a friend overseas (Barbados), we've been friends for a long time, he's cool to talk to and he makes me smile but sometimes he is really annoying.  He wants us to be more than just friends but I'm not ready for the relationship thing (celibacy suits me).  My girlfriend believes that it's because I'm used to talking to guys who do as they are told and he is completely the opposite.  For example he told me he wanted to purchase an ipad, now apart from it being a expensive and unnecessary toy there is nothing wrong with that but his only reason for buying the ipad... to be able to talk to me and see me on Skype 'for free.'  

I hate talking on Skype (except to my mum or best friend) for these reasons.

1.  If you call me and I'm in the position to talk but don't want to be seen this causes friction.  You want to know why and the truth is I may just be in a bad mood.
2. I come on Skype then you comment on the fact that I've not done my hair or I'm wearing jogging bottoms for the third time this week... I'm a mum I don't glam up to run around after my children, cook and clean.
3.  You can see who I'm with and what I'm doing, not that I have anything to hide but when me and my friends or just me and my children are relaxing we don't want someone up in our faces.
4. Because you know I have Skype on my phone does not mean I want to use it EVERYWHERE!

Did he listen NO!  And aside from it being annoying it's certainly not free, he had to pay for the ipad and now he has to pay for internet connection that he didn't have before.  Not only that, I can now see his reaction to certain things and lets just say I don't deal well with jealousy.

But perhaps I'm just being silly?