Saturday, 25 August 2012

The Daddy

The Daddy

My last post was about being a single parent.  My daughters father read it and wanted me to mention him, he may regret that but here goes...

Our relationship as a couple has had many ups and downs, our relationship as parents has had many ups and downs (mainly due to sparadic financial support as some men think that raising a child costs next to nothing.)  But his relationship with his daughter has been consistent.  He rode up on his little moped for every scan appointment and even though we couldn't get through to him for the first part of my labour, (he was busy seeing to someone ,) he was there for the final part.  He held my hand and encouraged me until we met our little girl.  I even remember him getting excited when the midwife showed him that a full head of hair was just coming into vision.  He didn't get squirmish, he didn't run away and he showed us both all the love we could have needed at that time.  





We stayed together until our princess was around 2 years old and he was a loving father.  After we split he and his mum had our princess every weekend and when I did my PGCE we switched roles for my six week placement, he had her in the week and I had her at the weekends.  He now has his girls (he has a daughter from another relationship) every other weekend and spends as much of the school holidays with them as he can.  


He's getting better at the financial side of parenthood and he's fantastic at the father daughter side of parenthood and for the last five years or so, up until I wrote this post our relationship as parents has been really good.  So despite being a single parent most of the time I know that when I really need Darrell all I have to do is pick up the phone and call... he'll answer eventually ;)





Tuesday, 21 August 2012

mum = me

Being a parent is really tough, being a single parent is even tougher.  Until the children are old enough to go to school it's difficult to fulfill your dreams without the support of a partner or close family members.  I hear a lot of my friends talking about 'bums who don't work, sponge money off tax payers and get the council to give them housing.'  Some of the time that's exactly what people are doing, other times they genuinely need the help.  Myself for example had a paper round at age 12, my first 'real job' at age fifteen and worked throughout my college years in different retail establishments.  Even when I fell pregnant with my first child and dropped out of college due to complications with the pregnancy I continued to work part-time up until my maternity leave then went back to evening college and part-time work when she was 6 months old.  


I had always dreamed of becoming a barrister, according to my mum I love an argument and even when I'm wrong I'll find a way to prove I'm right.  (though I wouldn't write that on a application!) Unfortunately having only taken one A-level meant I didn't get on the law course so I changed my plans and became a teacher.  That whole time I had the support of my mum and by the time my mum was ready to go away my daughter was of school age and although it was hard to make ends meet or spend quality time with her during term time, I was able to make it work.




When I decided it was time to get back on course to my dream of becoming a barrister I applied for the GDL, words can't describe how happy I felt when I got in.  It had been a difficult few years, I was unhappy in my job, my long-term relationship had broken down and my mum had needed my support through a difficult time so this was great news.  To top that off I had developed a good friendship with a young man who knowing everything I'd been through managed to make me smile every day, little did I know that that friendship would lead to my beautiful little boy, who coincidentally, led to the end of my friendship.  I took out a loan to pay for my GDL and support myself through the years course (I wasn't entitled to a student loan or any form of income support).

I then applied for a bursary through one of the Inns of Court but because I needed to defer and they didn't see how even with a bursary for the course I would be able to support myself through the year I was not successful.  So here I am a single mother of two beautiful children having sat my GDL and passed whilst in my eighth month of pregnancy but being unable to continue my studies because of the huge university fees (nearly £17,000), the cost of childcare (in the region of £900 per month for under 2s) and the inability to support my children whilst studying.  It's not that I don't want to work, it's that working doesn't make sense for me.  It's the choice of struggling to make ends meet and having time for my children or struggling to make ends meet and having no time for my children.  I'm now trying very hard to find any work that I can do from home and still have time for my children.  

I'm a single mother and proud of the fact that I am raising well behaved and intelligent children with good values.  I will still be where I want to be at some point (God Willing) but until then I'm doing the best I can to be the best parent I can  be.



Sunday, 19 August 2012

Jet-lag = Bed

I'm back from my beautiful island of Barbados and trying hard not to get the post holiday blues.  Within ten minutes of arriving mum had already started on the front garden and I had started washing holiday clothes.  After that it was crash straight to bed #jet-lag The trip was good, not the most fun filled and exciting holiday but a nice relaxed family holiday with a few outings to keep me sweet and plenty of days on the beach.

Daniel has now turned one and despite wanting a beach picnic for his birthday the lack of planning and the fact I spent half the day getting my hair done meant that we had a small celebration at home with cake, candles and cuddles.  It was an emotional day, I had messages and phone calls from all but one of Daniel's God parents which set off silent tears.  It's nice to know there are people around who care about your children nearly as much as you do.  It turned out to be an eventful night because as well as gifts, for his birthday Daniel had his first real fall and ended up cutting his face, after a little cry he was back up and smiling again running around in the evening heat.


The food was a massive highlight for me which meant that my mummy tummy went from beach shy to OMG who let that tiger out of the zoo!


As well as that there was the night swim at Accra Hotel on the south coast, the walk in the forest and the animals at the Wildlife reserve in St. Peter and swimming in the sea seeing the turtles off the coast at Browns Beach.



Friday, 3 August 2012

Sun, Sea and Sand

I have been far to busy doing this to blog...






Will be back soon to tell you all about it!
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