Bitter Sweet

Bitter Sweet

I woke up this morning feeling my usual happy but exhausted self.  I played with Daniel and watched a little daytime TV before waking up my computer to check the addresses for my eBay deliveries.

Facebook was my next stop and I was pleasantly greeted by my friend’s status giving us the news that he would be having a baby girl.  My joy for him was so great that it brought me to tears and only those closest to me would understand why.  I had a conversation with him, it was good, the way he spoke and the joy he expressed reminded me of when I found out Tianna was a girl like a breath of fresh air after a exiting a smoke filled room.

I was determined to go into town without spending more than bus fare and the cost to deliver the ebay items.  As I walked through Croydon all I could think was I need to get out of here, either I’m turning into a recluse or I'm just fed up of looking at the same old buildings with the threat of bumping into the same old faces.  Reality is I probably won’t go anywhere any time soon, but one can always live and hope.

I managed to get in and out of the town centre only spending 60p more than I’d plan – a girl needs her chocolate! 

By the time I got home my mood had changed slightly, still happy but I keep going back into contemplation mode... I think I would have been ok if he hadn’t said her name… I still find it hard to say her name.  

Can’t wait for my princess to get home for cuddles, her cuddles always make me feel better.